From a cocoon I have emerged
After years asleep inside
I have shimmering wings
To carry me away from here
Yet I am still sitting here
Unable to fly away

All these changes I don't understand
A new life I wasn't ready for
I don't know how to fly just yet
Although these wings are so beautiful
And this new found freedom so enlightening
I'm just not ready for this metamorphosis

Someday soon I'll figure it out
These wings will start to flutter
And I will learn to fly
When I am ready
Not when someone else tells me its time
Only when my heart is ready

I am alone
In a world full of people
A lonely ghost of a person
I am an empty shell
Nothing lives inside of me anymore
A shadow of who I once was
I feel nothing
I am nothing
Just a ghost of a girl who once was
Alone

A fortress I have built around my soul
To keep the world away
My heart is weak
And the world is cruel
The wall stands so high, so strong
But still they got in
And tore my heart apart
Stomped all over
My desperate attempts at trust
Now I am a mangled mess
Lying beneath the remains of my fortress
Lost in the rubble

I am a woman
Short and overweight
Weak and emotional

I am a mother
Always tired and too busy
Yelling and regretting

I am a wife
Left alone all too often
Crying over lies and broken promises

I am a human being
Imperfect and a failure
Always trying to be better

I am alone
Building walls and hiding
From all who hurt me

I am nothing
Just a blob with no purpose
A doormat for the world

A bottle of pills in one hand
Bottle of water in the other
My escape is in my hands
Do I have the courage
To down the bottle
And say goodbye?

Everyone has betrayed me
Husband, friend, stranger
All in just a short time
Have shoved a knife into my back
Twisted it and turned it
And stepped back and watched me bleed.

Blood pours down my back
As I sit here with these pills
Do I end it all
Float away from it all
Or stay here
And fight back against them?

What exactly is communication?
Is it only the words my lips let past?
Or is it the way my eyes
Beckon you to see my soul?
How do I tell you all I feel
When I can't find the words
To even say I love you?
I scream I hate you
When i really mean
Please just love me more
Love me enough for both of us
Because I'm dying inside
And can't find my way out
To the light that you used to bring
How do I find the words
To tell you how you hurt me
When you see that as accusations?
What would do that pain justice?
What words really describe
The love that threatens to destroy me?

You are still lying
I feel it in my heart
Yet you keep getting angry
When I tell you of my fears
Still trying to convince me I am wrong
Every inch of me is screaming
You are lying
I lay shattered here before you
Still you choose to lie
And let it tear me apart
What is wrong with me
What makes you tell lie after lie
While I struggle to repair
The damage I've caused
Why do you continue to hurt me?

I tell you over and over
I am sorry
I pushed you away
Hid within myself
My words were like daggers
To your soul
But they were the fortress
Surrounding mine
Guarding my heart
Before you could hurt me again
Cold cruel weapons
I shot at you
From this barricade i have built
I am sorry
I never meant to hurt you
Only save myself
I tell you
But you no longer hear me
You are deaf to my words
Blind to my tears
Oblivious to my needs
You are already gone
Although you still sit here
I can see you
But I can't feel you
I am sorry

You say its all my fault
I say its all yours
Whose to blame
When a marriage fades
And all that remains
Is pain and sadness
Children and memories?

You turn to someone else
I fall apart
I build walls and push you away
You get angry
The cycle continues
Growing worse each time
I turn to someone to fill a void
Because I've pushed you away
You fall apart
And so goes our life

So whose to blame
When we can no longer
Find our way home
Back to one another
To the haven
We once Cherished?

My heart is at your feet
Bleeding, broken and dying
As you turn and walk away
The ruins of a life together
Blowing away in the wind
As you fade from view
I stand alone

Today I walk through the fires of hell
Just to be with you
Flames are consuming me
As I struggle to find you in the smoke
Where is the man I love?

Today I fight my way through glaciers of solid ice
Just to be with you
Jagged edges pierce my skin
As I struggle to overcome the obstacles in my way
Where is the man I love?

Today I sit among the ruins in tears
Just to be with you
The pieces of our life lay around me
As I try to find the strength to pick them up
Where is the man I love?

Today I fall to the ground as my heart shatters
Just to be with you
My heart  a million pieces at your feet
As I wonder why i let it happen
Where is the man I love?

Today I wonder if i would still choose
To be with you
If I had a magic eraser to change the past
Or if i'd still be here wondering
Where is the man I love?

You wrap your arms around me
And all my pain subsides
The sadness of my life is gone
And all I feel is you
Your smile warms my soul
Melts the ice that protects me
From heartache after heartache
I let my guard down
And welcome you into my inner self
You are my confidante
My only true friend
The one to rescue me

Another day has passed me by
As I merely exist in this life
I sit and watch my heart die
While you stand holding the knife

Teardrops fall from these eyes
As I fall asleep alone each night
Thinking of all those lies
And remember fight after fight

When do we let go
Walk away and end the lie
How do we know
When to say goodbye